f you ask most teens what they’re struggling with these days, you’ll hear it over and over: “I’m tired.”

And they’re not exaggerating. Our kids are over-scheduled, stretched thin, and trying to keep up with a pace that would exhaust even the most organized adult. Between high school sports, club sports, SAT prep, piles of homework, endless presentations, community service hours, and the pressure to still have a social life… It's no wonder exhaustion is their biggest complaint.

The truth is, sleep is not a luxury. Experts recommend teens get 8–10 hours of sleep a night—yet more than 70% of high schoolers don’t even come close. And it shows. Lack of sleep impacts mood, focus, learning, physical health, and emotional well-being. In fact, it’s strongly tied to higher levels of anxiety and depression in teens. When they’re running on too little sleep, their ability to manage emotions and stress plummets. No wonder they’re feeling so overwhelmed.

Somewhere along the way, sleep stopped being a priority in parenting. We shuffle them out the door at 5 a.m. for a game two hours away. We plan tournament weekends with five games crammed in. We sign them up for “just one more activity” because it feels like the right thing for their future. And even when they finally have a chance to sleep in, we poke our heads into their rooms with, “It’s 10 a.m., shouldn’t you be up and doing something?”

But what are we doing here?

This month I started a new practice—centering prayer.

To be honest, I wasn’t sure how it would go. Sitting in silence doesn’t exactly come naturally to me. My mind likes to run, plan, solve, and prepare (especially when it comes to my teens and young adults). But what I’ve found is surprising: the more I give myself this space, the more I notice subtle changes in how I show up as a mom.

One of the biggest shifts has been in how I listen.

For example, as my sons begin to live their best college life, I’ve noticed myself stepping back. When they call (on those rare occasions—hehe), instead of jumping in with solutions or trying to fix, I’m simply listening. And something amazing has been happening. As I listen, they start to talk through their own next steps. They begin to land on their own solutions. It’s like they just needed me to hold space, not hand them an answer.

That comparison game doesn’t just live in our adult world—it’s alive and well in our teens’ lives too. While you might be comparing homes, vacations, or finances, your teen is likely comparing grades, looks, friends, or sports. Different categories, same weight on the heart.

I know how heavy that can feel—for both us and them.

But here’s the truth ⤵
When we stop comparing our journey (and when we help our teens do the same), something shifts:

→ We begin to feel gratitude for our own path and what we already have.
→ We model what it looks like to give ourselves credit instead of judgment.
→ Our teens see us living it—and they learn to do the same.

If we were to record the way we talk to ourselves all day long, most of us would be shocked. We would never say half of those things to a friend, a co-worker, or even a stranger in line at the grocery store—yet we speak them to ourselves without a second thought.

Why are we so mean to ourselves?

Maybe it’s because we’ve been conditioned to believe that being hard on ourselves will push us to do better. Or maybe those critical voices are echoes of what we’ve picked up along the way—from culture, family, or past experiences. Whatever the reason, negative self-talk is like having an inner bully running the show. And it’s exhausting.

But here’s the good news: you don’t have to let that voice have the final say.

95% of our life is lived on autopilot.
We wake up, go through the motions, check off the boxes, and repeat.

And our teens? They’re right there with us. They know the expectations:

• Get great grades.

• Excel in sports or extracurriculars.

• Get into a good college.

• Land the right internships.

• Graduate.

• Find the “dream job.”

• Get married.

• Start a family.

It’s like the script has already been written, and all they have to do is follow it.

But here’s the question: What if we stopped for a moment?

I just wrote a post about letting our teens experience life—the ups, the downs—without us fixing it for them. About giving them space to learn, grow, and move forward.

WELL. LET. ME. TELL. YOU. SOMETHING.

My middle one just left for his first few days of college and I am over here in full-on withdrawal mode. I’m doing everything in my power not to call him. I’m waiting for him to reach out. Meanwhile, I am hyper-focusing on “Where is he? What’s he doing? Is he eating? Is he safe?”

And then my brain goes spiraling:
“Oh my gosh, two of my kids are off to college. My youngest is basically raising herself at this point. I might as well be an empty nester already. This is it. They’re gone forever. College, then jobs, then marriage… This is the end of the road for me being the one they depend on.”

Dramatic? Maybe. Real? Definitely.

THIS. IS. HARD.

The time has come. For some of our college kids, it’s move-in day. For others, it’s already begun — pre-season sports, Greek life rush, leadership training. Even for me, as a mom, it’s a season that brings a swirl of emotions.

On one hand, I’m excited and ready for my boys to step into this next chapter. I know the growth that’s ahead for them — and for me. On the other hand, I can’t ignore the deep pit in my stomach that whispers, this will change us.

Lately, with my teen clients, I’ve been talking a lot about the idea that life has to be hard sometimes — because that’s where the growth happens. For an athlete, pre-season is the perfect example. It’s grueling. The heat. The two-a-days. The physical exhaustion layered with the mental drain of new plays, new teammates, new coaches, and no real downtime to catch your breath.

There are moments that sit on your heart for years, waiting for the right time to become real. And this week, one of those moments finally came to life.

My friend and I checked something off our bucket list that we’ve been talking about for over three years—we attended an Abraham Hicks workshop in Philadelphia!

If you’ve never heard of Abraham Hicks, she’s known as the queen of Law of Attraction. Her teachings are all about tuning into your thoughts, energy, and inner knowing to create a life that feels aligned and joyful. My first coach introduced me to her years ago, at a time when I desperately needed a mindset shift. Ever since, her voice and guidance have been a powerful presence in my life.

So to finally be in the room with her energy—live—was something special.

We had no idea what to expect, but we showed up open-hearted and ready for whatever the day had in store. From the moment we walked in, we felt it. The energy. The buzz. The lightness in the room. We kept catching ourselves smiling, like our faces forgot how to do anything else.

Have you ever found yourself wondering why your teen seems to cycle through friend groups—always starting hopeful, but somehow ending up alone or on the outside looking in?

Maybe they keep landing in the "mean group" and eventually get pushed out. Maybe they're the ones doing the pushing. Or maybe they just seem to give up on friendships altogether. As a parent, it's easy to assume it's just teen drama, but what if there’s more going on beneath the surface?

Sometimes, teens sabotage friendships without even realizing it. And while the behavior might look like moodiness, ghosting, gossip, or drama—it could actually be a sign of something deeper: not feeling comfortable in their own skin or not feeling worthy of being treated well.

When You Don’t Feel Worthy, You Settle for Less

If a teen doesn’t believe they deserve kindness or acceptance, they’ll gravitate toward relationships that reinforce those beliefs. That might mean staying close to people who are controlling, critical, or emotionally distant. It might mean keeping others at arm's length out of fear they’ll leave anyway. Or it might look like lashing out first—before someone else gets the chance.

I used to think perfectionism looked like a straight-A student or someone who always had it all together. But the truth is—perfectionism wears more than one face. And I know this, not just because I see it in the teens I coach… but because I’ve lived it myself.

Most of my life, I was a classic high achiever. I poured myself into sports and work—I loved excelling and being seen as “driven.” But there was another side to me too, one I didn’t talk about. I’d completely shut down in certain areas of my life. If a class didn’t feel worth my time (or if I secretly felt I might not be great at it), I’d check out. If I was anxious about saying the wrong thing, I wouldn’t start the conversation at all.

I wasn’t lazy. I wasn’t unmotivated. I was scared—scared of failing, of being judged, of not measuring up.

Two Faces of Perfectionism

I now see both versions show up in our teens:

The High Achiever
This is the teen who looks like they’ve got it all together—honors classes, varsity sports, leadership roles. But underneath is often anxiety, pressure, and a fear that any slip-up makes them “less than.”

The Teen Who Shuts Down
This teen avoids trying altogether. They might say they don’t care, but often it’s the opposite—they care so much that the risk of failing is paralyzing. It feels safer not to try than to try and fall short.

And sometimes? Our teens are both. Just like I was. High-performing in some areas, frozen in others.