self-care vs. self-love: what you and your teen need to know
Let’s be real: the words self-care and self-love are everywhere right now. And while they sound similar—and are often used interchangeably—they're not the same. Especially for parents and teens navigating the emotional rollercoaster of adolescence (and parenting), understanding the difference can be a game-changer.
Here’s what you and your teen need to know.
Self-Care: The Doing
Self-care is about the actions we take to maintain our well-being. It's the long bath after a stressful day, the walk outside to clear your mind, the nap, the journaling, the skincare routine, the break from social media.
For teens, it might look like turning off notifications to focus on homework, saying “no” to a hangout when they’re drained, or asking for a mental health day. For us parents, it might be waking up early for some quiet time, calling a friend, or finally booking that dentist appointment we’ve put off for 6 months.
These are all great—and important! But here’s the thing: self-care alone doesn’t always heal what’s under the surface.
Self-Love: The Believing
Self-love goes deeper. It’s the way we think and feel about ourselves. It’s accepting who we are—even the messy parts. It’s speaking kindly to ourselves when we make mistakes. It’s knowing that we are worthy, not because of how productive we are, or how we look, or how much we accomplish—but simply because we exist.
Self-love is the voice inside that says,
“I’m not perfect, but I’m doing my best.”
Or “I deserve rest.”
Or “I am enough, even if today was hard.”
This kind of love comes from how we relate to ourselves, and that’s something we model for our teens, whether we realize it or not.
Why This Matters for You and Your Teen
Teens are watching how we care for ourselves and how we talk to ourselves. If we run ourselves ragged and only prioritize “doing” without the deeper belief that we are worthy of care, they notice. And if we constantly criticize ourselves, they notice that too (believe me, my daughter called me out on this recently).
It’s easy for a teen to think self-care is just about bubble baths or buying something new. But self-love? That’s built over time. And they’re learning it by watching us.
When we pair both—the outer care and the inner compassion—we teach our teens how to not just treat themselves well, but also believe in their own value.
Try This Together
Here are two quick reflection questions you can each answer on your own, then share with each other:
For self-care:
What’s one thing I do that helps me feel better physically or emotionally?
For self-love:
What’s one kind thing I can say to myself today?
Start the conversation. You might be surprised by what your teen says—and what you discover about yourself too.
Self-care is the practice.
Self-love is the foundation.
One supports the other, and together they build the kind of inner strength that lasts.
So the next time you or your teen are feeling off, check in. Are you doing something kind for yourself—or believing something kind about yourself? Ideally, it’s both.
You’re worth it. And so is your teen. ❤️
P.S. If you and your teen are ready to deepen your self-care and self-love habits in a way that actually sticks, let’s talk.
👉 Click [here] to schedule a free discovery session or reach out to me directly at carinrassiercoaching@gmail.com. I’d love to connect with you!
