one of the best things you can do for your teen? heal.

Raising teens can stretch you like nothing else. One minute you’re answering deep life questions over late-night snacks, the next you’re trying not to lose it over eye rolls and slammed doors. It’s intense, raw, and beautiful—and it has a way of bringing your own stuff to the surface.

That’s why one of the greatest gifts we can give our kids—especially our teens—is our own healing.

Yes, the practical things matter: being involved, setting boundaries, driving them to practice, helping with homework. But underneath it all, the way we show up emotionally and mentally creates the atmosphere they grow up in.

When we do the work to heal—whether that’s addressing old wounds from our own childhoods, working through anxiety or perfectionism, or breaking free from unhelpful patterns—we stop handing our pain down. We give our kids a better version of us.

For me, one of the patterns I had to confront was my tendency to go silent when I was upset. I thought I was being calm, maybe even mature, by not saying anything in the heat of the moment. But what I’ve come to realize is that silence can feel like disconnection—and that disconnection can be just as loud as yelling.

In my family, when I withdrew into silence, it didn’t bring peace. It brought tension. My kids felt the shift, even if I said nothing. My husband could sense I was stewing, even when I insisted I was “fine.” What I meant as space often came across as punishment or distance.

Learning to use my voice—to express what I was feeling with honesty and vulnerability instead of shutting down—has been a huge part of my healing. And you know what? It’s changed the way we relate to one another. My teens are more likely to open up when they see me doing the same. We don’t get it right every time, but there’s a growing sense of safety, and that matters more than perfection ever could.

So if you’re parenting teens right now and wondering what matters most, start here:

• Heal your own heart.

• Pay attention to your patterns.

• Break cycles, gently and courageously.
  

Your teens don’t need a perfect parent. They need a present one—one who’s willing to do the inner work, who owns their stuff, and who chooses connection over control.

And every time you choose healing over hiding, reflection over reaction—you’re creating a safer, stronger, more loving relationship with your teen.

That is legacy work.