why your teen isn’t listening — and how to finally get through
If you’ve said the same thing a dozen times and your teen still isn’t listening, you’re not alone. It’s frustrating and exhausting. But here’s the thing: it’s not that your teen doesn’t hear you. It’s that your message isn’t landing.
Why Teens Tune You Out
I’ve talked to hundreds of teens, and they admit they tune out for all kinds of reasons and I got the inside scoop.
They shut down when they feel lectured, controlled, or misunderstood. Even when your words come from love, teens sense the energy behind them. If it feels like frustration or worry, they tune it out to protect themselves.
So what they hear isn’t your message, it’s “You don’t trust me” or “You’re disappointed in me.” And that’s when the walls go up.
How to Break the Cycle
If you’re ready to get through (without repeating yourself ten times), try these shifts:
1. Check your energy first.
Teens pick up on tone faster than words. Take a breath before you talk.
2. Ask instead of tell.
Instead of “You need to study,” try, “What’s your plan for the test tomorrow?” It invites ownership instead of resistance.
3. Listen more than you explain.
When they talk, resist the urge to correct or fix. Just listen and reflect what you hear. It builds trust.
4. Pick your timing.
Avoid serious talks when they’re tired or distracted. Find calm, in-between moments, maybe in the car, before bed, or on a walk.
5. Fewer words, more connection.
Teens don’t need long talks — they need to feel understood. A few calm, clear words go further than a lecture ever will.
If your teen is tuning you out, it’s not failure , it is feedback. It’s a cue to pause, adjust, and reconnect.
When you shift from talking at your teen to talking with them, everything changes.
Want to Improve Communication with Your Teen?
If you’re ready to stop repeating yourself and start connecting in a way that works, I’d love to help.
💬 Schedule a time with me and let’s create a calmer, more connected way to communicate — one that actually gets through.
💬 Reach out to connect — you don’t have to figure it out alone.
