why advice alone doesn’t work and what teens really need
You know that feeling when your teen comes to you with a problem, and your first instinct is to fix it for them? I get it, we all want to help, to steer them away from mistakes, to make life a little easier. But here’s the thing: the more we step in with advice, the less our teens learn to trust themselves.
Teens today are surrounded by opinions—parents, teachers, friends, social media. Everyone seems to have a say in what they “should” do. And while guidance can be helpful, it doesn’t build the one thing that really matters: self-trust.
Here’s what teens are often missing:
Listening to themselves. Their gut feelings, their preferences, their instincts. These are the compass points they need to practice following.
Tolerating uncertainty. Life doesn’t come with instructions. Being comfortable not knowing the outcome is a superpower.
Making choices without needing approval. It’s tempting to ask everyone what they think. Learning to decide for themselves is a huge confidence booster.
Trusting they can handle the outcome. Mistakes aren’t failures, they’re lessons. Every challenge they navigate on their own builds resilience.
When we jump in too quickly, we may solve a problem in the moment—but we miss the chance to strengthen that self-trust. And without it, indecision keeps coming back, like a pesky homework assignment you just can’t shake.
So what can you do instead?
Ask questions instead of giving answers. “What are your options?” or “How do you feel about each choice?”
Normalize uncertainty. Share times you didn’t know the outcome but trusted yourself to figure it out.
Celebrate independent decisions, even small ones. Every choice they make without needing approval is a win.
Reflect, don’t perfect. “What did you learn from this?” instead of “Next time, do it this way.”
Building self-trust takes time, patience, and practice but it’s the skill that will help your teen make confident choices now and in the future.
If you want to help your teen learn how to listen to themselves, tolerate uncertainty, and make decisions they can trust, my Decision Making Skills program for teens and young adults is designed exactly for that. It’s a guided approach to help your teen gain confidence in their choices, so you can step back without stepping away.
Ready to help your teen start trusting themselves? Learn more about my program with setting up a free session to chat! ✨ Schedule a session
