when they don’t call home (and you’re losing your mind about it)
I just wrote a post about letting our teens experience life—the ups, the downs—without us fixing it for them. About giving them space to learn, grow, and move forward.
WELL. LET. ME. TELL. YOU. SOMETHING.
My middle one just left for his first few days of college and I am over here in full-on withdrawal mode. I’m doing everything in my power not to call him. I’m waiting for him to reach out. Meanwhile, I am hyper-focusing on “Where is he? What’s he doing? Is he safe?”
And then my brain goes spiraling:
“Oh my gosh, two of my kids are off to college. My youngest is basically raising herself at this point. I might as well be an empty nester already. This is it. They’re gone forever. College, then jobs, then marriage… This is the end of the road for me being the one they depend on.”
Dramatic? Maybe. Real? Definitely.
THIS. IS. HARD.
But then I catch myself. I pause and shift my perspective:
“Wait a second. He’s doing it! He’s actually in college, living the life he’s worked hard for. He’s adapting, he’s not calling me for every little thing—doesn’t that mean he’s capable? Isn’t that what we raised him for? Isn’t this… success?”
Even when he eventually does call (and let’s be honest, it will happen), won’t that be part of him growing up too? Learning when to handle life on his own and when to reach back to us for support?
When I think about it, my relationship with my own parents actually grew stronger when I went off to college. I began to see all the sacrifices and care it took to get me there. I valued them in a new way.
So here’s the goal I’m setting for myself (and you, if you want to join in):
Allow the feelings. All of them—the grief, the worry, the sadness, the pride.
Sit with it—but set a time limit. Feel it, then set a timer, and when it goes off, shift.
Practice opposite thinking. Focus on what’s working. What’s good. What this season makes possible for them and for you.
Because yes, this part of parenting is hard. But it’s also beautiful proof that our kids are growing into exactly who they’re meant to be.
✨ If you’re walking through this same season, I’d love to hear from you. How are you navigating the silence, the emotions, and the changes?
👉 are you or your teen struggling with the start of the school year? I’d love to talk.
Click [here] to schedule a free discovery session or reach out directly at carinrassiercoaching@gmail.com.
