what are you making it mean?

Your teen is glued to their phone — so why won't they text you back?

They are attached to their phone. Seriously, they cannot put it down. You watch them snapping, scrolling, liking, laughing. And then you send a simple text and get... nothing. Nada. Silence.

So what do you do with that? Do you feel disrespected? Do you assume they're actively ignoring you? Does the frustration quietly build until you're texting again, and again to just get a single reply?

Believe me, I totally get it.

Just the other day, my husband texted our boys asking one of them to pick him up at the train station at 6:40 pm. No response. He's on the train wondering: Are they coming? Did they even see this? Am I about to be standing on hot blacktop in 90-degree heat?

So he did what any reasonable husband would do, he texted me. I checked in with our son, who already had the keys in his hand and heading out to pick up my husband. When I asked Luke why he hadn't responded to his dad, his answer stopped me in my tracks:

"I read the text and I am taking care of it."

No disrespect. No ignoring. Just done. He read it, he handled it, he moved on. The response was the action.

Later I asked him: if I text at 10 pm asking someone to let the dog out, and I hear nothing, does that mean it's getting done? He didn't hesitate: "Yes."

There it is. Straight from a teen's mouth. They're reading our texts. They're doing what needs to be done. They just don't see a need to narrate it back to us.

Now, does that mean we have to be totally okay with radio silence? Not necessarily. But it does mean we can stop reading catastrophe into an empty inbox. If it matters to you that they reply, here are three small shifts that can make a real difference:

3 things to try

1. Text less, so it counts more. If you're texting your teen all day long, your messages become background noise. Save the texts for when you really need their attention, and there's a much higher chance they'll actually read it and act.

2. Keep it short and sweet. We know their attention span is… let's say, efficient. One clear ask beats a paragraph every time. Short, direct texts get read. Long ones get skimmed or saved for "later" (which is never).

3. Sometimes, just say you love them. Every once in a while, send a text that asks for absolutely nothing. "Have a great day!" "Thinking of you!" "Miss you and love you!" Short, simple, no strings attached. It reminds them and you — what all this communication is really for.

Because at the end of the day, they're not ignoring us. They're just living. And so are we.