the dance of independence: learning to let our teens lead
The other night, my daughter and I were curled up on the couch watching Dancing with the Stars. We were laughing at some of the dramatic spins, guessing who might get voted off, and commenting on who clearly carried the rhythm (and who didn’t). Somewhere between a quickstep and a waltz, I found myself thinking, this is exactly what parenting teens feels like.
It’s a dance.
There’s this delicate back-and-forth between leading and following and between guiding our teens and learning when to step aside and let them take the lead. It’s not easy, especially when for so many years we’ve been the ones setting the rhythm and calling the steps.
But as our kids grow, the choreography changes.
They need space to move, to try new steps, and even to misstep because that’s how they build balance, confidence, and independence. And our role as parents shifts from being the lead dancer to becoming the supportive partner, the one who stays steady, offers encouragement, and trusts that our years of guidance have prepared them for this moment.
When we loosen our grip a little and when we take our foot off the gas we allow them to make choices, solve problems, and think critically. We give them something far more valuable than control: we give them belief in themselves.
Isn’t that what we’ve always wanted? To raise independent, capable young adults who contribute to the world in meaningful ways. So our teens can stand tall, make wise decisions, and lead with confidence.
As I watch my daughter stretch, grow, and learn, I realize how much this dance has changed me too. It’s allowed me to step back, breathe, and truly enjoy moments like sitting on the couch together, laughing at sequins and dance scores.
This right here is what connection looks like. Not control, not perfection, but presence. It’s being side by side, watching her find her rhythm, and feeling grateful that I get to witness it all.
If you want to help your teen (and yourself) build emotional awareness and connection, I’d love to guide you through this process. Let’s start the journey toward emotional wholeness — one feeling at a time.
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